Turn off the music

I need to get this all out before I forget any of it.

Our university intern was leading youth Bible study tonight, and I felt it was a truly remarkable evening, so I'm going to try to recreate it somewhat from my notes. Our topic since the beginning of the year has been Pursuing God, so tonight he kind of turned it on its head and talked about God pursuing us.

From Psalm 139:

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

So, three things from that:

1 - God knows who we are
2 - God never leaves us
3 - God loves us

On 1 - the writer of Psalm 139, King David, was not a perfect guy. He lusted after another man's wife, got her pregnant, and killed her husband. He also let the rape of one of his daughters (by one of his sons) go unpunished. And yet he is still called 'a man after God's own heart'. The point of point 1 is that God knows who we are. God know the dirty thoughts we think and the stupid things we say and the petty emotions we have and the pointless worldly things that we feel are so important. God knows who we are better than WE know who we are. This is a tangent, but I have long felt that true telepathy, which is often featured in fantasy novels, would be a completely awful thing to have. Can you imagine seeing the depths of someone else's mind? Some pretty icky fantasies go on there, and some cruel, selfish thoughts. There's a reason our thoughts are private, and it's because no one but God would love us if they knew them. God KNOWS. It doesn't matter who you are, Christian or non.

Further on point 1, God knows who we are AND he created us. He created us with every 'imperfection' that we see when we look in a mirror. Our intern (won't use his name) mentioned a personal story about a struggle of his with a sickness that he was very angry at God for giving him, and then he talked about how it had turned out to be a blessing in his life. God gave us who we are and loves who we are.

Point 2 - God never leaves us. This ties in with point 1 in that God knows our thoughts no matter where we are, physically, mentally, anything. The only time that someone has ever been TRULY separated from God is when Jesus became sin for us and died. He was separated so that we don't have to be. I am realizing increasingly that God's presence, God's love, is not a feeling. You don't have to feel a spiritual high (I am on one now) to know that God is with you. He just is. Emotions have nothing to do with it. You don't need a supernatural voice speaking in your ear to claim with all certainty, "God is with me." Hebrews 13:5 - "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Point 3 is pretty simple. God loves us. Or not simple, as the case may be. Would you love you, if you saw EVERYTHING about yourself in someone else? Would you love you if you saw all those icky things AND you yourself, looking at your icky self (this is getting confusing, sorry) were perfect? No, duh. God does not expect things. God does not set conditions. Christianity is not a set of rules to follow. Christianity is God's love, through Christ. It's love. Blessed by that kind of unconditional, forever LOVE, what is KEEPING you from living a life that is as Christlike as you, humanly and imperfectly, are able? As you are able, with Christ living in you? Romans 6:1 - "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" Again - no, duh. Yes, we have eternal grace, yes, our past and present and future sins were and are and will be forgiven. So what, we're going to abuse that and claim that since we have a free ride anyway, might as well take God at his word and do whatever our ephemeral passions say to do? That's some kind of appreciation for boundless love. NOT.

That was a tangent too. Anyway, I am astounded. And blessed, unbelievably blessed, to be able to claim that for my own.

Another thing that I took from tonight was an enormous sense of peace. God made me and knows me and is always with me, so what do I have to worry about? Nothing! If God wants me to be at university, I will BE there. Regardless of money, of time, of my own insecurities. God knows where I'm going and how I'm getting there. It's far less important that I know than that He knows. Mind you, this is very hard to live out, but not impossible.

A last facet that we explored as a group was the need to be real with each other. We can't encourage each other if we're constantly met with the by-rote answer 'good' to 'How are you?' If you have issues, don't bury them all the time. You do yourself more harm than good by putting on the happy face and pretending everything's okay. Society tells us to do this, and too often we listen. Too often I myself am that happy person who's afraid that if I show what I'm really feeling, people will look at me and be disappointed or think I'm a failure or what have you. Be real. Don't let everything stay in the dark until it turns into something far larger and scarier than it ever needed to be.

I think it's all off my chest. I know that was rambly. I admire you a lot if you read it all and got this far.

*deep breath*

Amen.