Driving

I'm hoping to have my driver's license by the beginning of August, so recently I've been getting behind the wheel a bit more. The difficulties that I've been having are almost all small things that I never would have anticipated - stopping, for instance. The first time I stopped I stomped the brake so hard it was whiplash-inducing. I have graduated to slowing for traffic lights with success, and am presently struggling with lane changes. (I'm CONVINCED that I'm missing something. I don't care if I've mirror-checked and shoulder-checked! Someone is going to run into me!) I guess this is a rite of passage into adulthood? Learning to tell between the gas and the brake?

At some point I'm also going to have to buckle down and actually get my taxes done, another delightful part of entering the age of majority. Last Sunday afternoon I forgot I was supposed to work and nobody was responsible for my schedule or my subsequent apology but me. It's a little uncomfortable to be accountable for these larger things; to keep track of my finances, to make sure I know where to be and when and how I'm getting there, to be the person I'm accountable to.

If I think about it too much, I get intimidated considering how much more independent I'll be next year. I'll have to balance a budget, get homework in on time, work and save, and make sure I do random things like go to the dentist. I'll have to make my own grocery list and pay for my own food - what I don't eat in the cafeteria, where I'll have to watch the balance on my student card. I'll have to make sure my credit card is paid off. It's startling how much I didn't realize I had to be aware of, to be independent. It makes me uncertain that I want to be, sometimes.

In essence, a lot of the time I find myself saying, "I guess I'm driving?" instead of, "I want to drive!"

Constantine I

I got my first laptop around Christmas of 2007. It would not be an exaggeration to say I have it with me in almost every single picture. It (he, Fitzwilliam I) was a white iBook G4 that I received secondhand from my uncle, and the feeling of having a laptop for the first time was similar to what I imagine getting your first car must feel like. Since February of 2007 I'd been spending a lot of time instant messaging various online friends, and eventually got to the point where I was dissatisfied with having only an hour of time on the computer per day (our family rule at the time). I worked out a deal with my mom, and every night I'd do the supper dishes and make breakfast for the next morning, and often spend the rest of the evening on the computer. My internet acquaintances have, I'm sure, very clear memories of the times I had to beg and plead to use the computer and be forever negotiating with my siblings for fifteen more minutes and the like. It was a huge relief to finally be able to do my own thing where I wanted and when I wanted. To this day, NOBODY but me uses my computer. (Well, okay, with a very few exceptions.) It was almost literally my best friend.

I enjoyed Fitzwilliam I until April of 2008, when water got splashed on his keyboard and he spluttered and died over the course of a (very unpleasant) few days. I cried. A lot. My uncle tried valiantly to fix him, but water is to electronics as Kryptonite is to Superman, and Fitzwilliam I was relegated to the back of my closet, where he still resides. I spent a month reliving the begging-and-pleading-for-15-more-minutes days.

In May of 2008, my mom (fankoo mommy) bought me another laptop, also a secondhand iBook G4, who was christened Fitzwilliam II and kept far away from any spillable liquid. Perhaps due to how much more careful I was, Fitzwilliam II lasted all the way until April of 2010, a respectable two years for an already secondhand laptop. When his screen began dying with increasing frequency, it was agreed that money spent fixing him was not money spent well, and on May 7, 2010, Constantine (Connie for short, after Robin McKinley's vampire) arrived in the mail.
Connie has a webcam.

He is a white MacBook, widescreen, brand spanking new, and already sporting several stylish Fringe-themed desktops. I have reveled in his ability to play flawless video (by viewing, over and over, the preview for the Fringe finale) and played with the iPhoto face recognition technology, and watched the strange ways PhotoBooth can deform my pictures, and moved all my music into iTunes. Connie also comes with a 1-year warranty, which I may end up extending.

I am very happy. Long live Connie. (Vampires are immortal, you know.)