26 May 2009

Twilight - The Movie

I've seen it twice now. The second time, I enjoyed saying, "LOOK! The PLOT!" every time they slotted in a gratuitous vampire-violence scene, and "...there it goes again" every time we were back to *STARE* OMG Edward never leave me! I trust you with my life and I'm irrevocably in love with you even though we've had three conversations (and half of those were made up of pseudo-meaningful pauses and stares) and you want to kill me!

Essentially, the same principle applies to movie as to book: It could have been half as long (or less) without missing an iota of plot, and sparing us the forced romance.

Outside the non-existent romantic chemistry, the intense blues and greens and clammy-looking whites of the movie started to grate on me, and by the end of two viewings I wanted to smack the scriptwriters (Stephanie Meyer helped. Wanted to smack her too.) Every interaction was jerky, there was no smooth conversation, and the painfully obvious high schoolers were even more one-dimensional than they are in the book. Maybe I hang out with a superior crowd, but I don't know any high schoolers who are that pathetically transparent.

(However, Jacob was kinda cute. Movie-Jacob makes movie-Edward look exactly like the creepy stalker he is.)

And WHAT was up with the scene where Bella MISLAID HER PANTS? I did NOT need to see that! Also, take note, male readers, Bella Swan is the only girl in the world who appreciates being called 'spider monkey'. Do not try this at home. Also, do not insist on taking off your girlfriend's jacket, putting on her hat and fixing her hair, and doing up her seatbelt.

Lastly, a recommendation:

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