So it's our first official day of vacation. We're packed, we're gone, we're at my grandparents' house to leave the dog here and then we're off to Salt Spring Island.
And I choose this particular moment to start feeling worried.
Worried why? Oh, because next year is grade 12 and I'm going to have a job (well, assuming I find one, which shouldn't be hard) and I want to go to Internationals so I'm going to have to study a lot, and I want to get some scholarships to make university easier to pay for, and I have my piano exam in January...and school on top of all this. And whenever this happens I start feeling really nervous about the future in general and that leads to being distracted, and I'm also leaving for Quebec in about two and a half weeks, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. It goes on.
This won't be long because I should be sleeping. But is this normal? To feel like saying to life, "Okay, one thing at a time, please!"? And could everyone please give me a communal smack for thinking about this stuff when I'm on vacation and I should be relaxing?
Driving through the mountains tomorrow. I shall make a dent in those fifty pages I'm supposed to be writing is what I shall do, and I shall lose myself and be Raignheidra Terhin instead of me, and worry about things like malevolent mages and assassinations and staying alive instead of life and school. And it shall be fun.
Bed in a minute. As of now I am in a mood for music lyrics. Snippets to follow:
I wish I could fly, I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound but you need a hero now.
You gotta believe even with broken wings,
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me.
Summer's the season
but you're cold and freezing,
if there's a reason it's a lie.
When did I lose you,
I need you to pull through,
the weight of the world never felt so alive. - The Rescue, American Hi-Fi (anyone wanna take a stab at the romantic pairing of which this reminds me?)
I’m letting go of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling
and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go - I'm Letting Go, Francesca Battistelli. This is how I need to be thinking right now.
And lastly, I'm sorry but this was playing all week and I can't get it out of my head...
This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me - This Is Me, Camp Rock. Pathetic, I know. At least it's not Hannah Montana.
Okay. Good night.
"Auuugh this guy SUCKS! I want to KILL him!"
^You need the videogame context.
2 comments:
Don't worry about how you're feeling. It is very normal. You should have seen me before grade 12. I was freaking out about diplomas because I was sure I would fail and ruin the rest of my life. And this was in the summer, before grade 12 even started.
Once you get into things, and establish what will eventually become your new 'normal' (whatever that word means these days...) you'll relax.
You may be busy as heck, I won't lie. But things will be happening and you'll barely have time to think about them, you'll just deal with them as they come and move one.
I know you'll be fine. =)
~Cal
I know this sounds hard and somewhat overused...
But seriously, just take it one step at a time like you said.
Focus on one year at a time.
Trust in God to work everything out for you - cuz He sure will!
... make a list of everything you need to get done, ordering it in the order you need to get it done.
Talk to God about it...
:)
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